Sunday, 3 February 2019

NO LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE


 Image result for no love before marriage

By ADNAN ADAMS MOHAMMED

Many people have innocently and ignorantly been deceived with the *WRONGFUL USAGE OR MISCONCEPTION* of the word *LOVE*.

The *western society*, which has NO regard for religious principles, values and morals; has wrongly tried to confuse and misled many people into astray in their attempt to manifest or portray that, everyone needs *LOVE* before marriage.

In attempt to practice the love stories or TV drama we read and watch, many people have lost their lives through suicide, depression, broken heart and disappointments. Some also have lost interest in marriage because they think ‘No love exist even in marriage'. 

As a true Muslim…...guided by the Holy Quran, hadiths or traditions of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w and scholars opinion…. *WE DONT NEED TO LOVE OR SHOW LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE!*.

WHY?


*LOVE*

*ADMIRE*

*LIKE*

*AFFECTION*

*INFATUATION*

*LUST*

*Do we all agree that, these words are all emotional / feelings related?* ⁉

*Now let us look at the #VERB meaning of these words*

*LOVE:*
feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone).

*LIKE*
to enjoy or approve of something or someone:
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/like

*INFATUATION*
strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/infatuation#ampshare=https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/infatuation 

*LUST*
to have a strong desire for something:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/lust#ampshare=https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/lust

*AFFECTION*
a feeling of liking and caring for someone or something : tender attachment
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/affection 

*ADMIRE*
to respect and like someone because they have done something that you think is good, or to respect their qualities or skills
https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/admire

*Which of the words should be considered before marriage in Islam??*

Or

*Which of the feelings or emotions should be considered before marriage in Islam??*


Now, let us come to the application of Islamic knowledge and principles of adherence


*DATING is NOT allowed in Islam before marriage*

Why?

Because, it leads to fornication or zina

Allah warns us that,  *'...Do not go near fornication or zina...'*

*What does this warning from Allah mean to us?* ⁉

*Do we agree that, the EYES, EARS, HANDS,  MOUTH and SEX ORGAN all commits Zina?* ⁉

*WHY NO LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE IN ISLAM?* ⁉

From the definitions above… LOVE is to feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone). This is NOT permitted or needed by Muslims before marriage

*LOVE comes with much commitments.... such as sacrificing, utmost trust, manifesting of desire,  sexual attraction, show of romantic gestures etc…*

*These commitments are only needed between married couples in Islam*

*Now, let us enter into the Holy Quran*

Ar-Rum (30:21)
 
*"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect"*

Allah used *LOVE* as a feeling or emotion in relation to marriage......  *ONLY between MARRIED COUPLES...*

*And NOT INTENDED MARRIED COUPLES..*

*Can I know from you any ayah from the Quran where, Allah made any statement which suggests that.....  We should love or show love to those we intend to marry?* ⁉

This brings to conclusion that, as a true Muslim, who totally submits to the will of Allah....  You wouldn't do what Allah has warned you against, which is ZINA.

*In manifesting or showing your LOVE to someone whom you intend to marry....there is NO WAY YOU CAN ESCAPE FORNICATION or ZINA OF THE MOUTH, EYE,  EAR, HAND OR SEX ORGAN*

‼ *NO LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE IN ISLAM*

You can *ONLY.... LIKE,  ADMIRE*  someone's *CHARACTER OR PRACTICE OF ISLAM* before marriage

HADITHS

In a hadiths..... The one which talks about criteria for choosing a partner for marriage..... It says...

*"A woman may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Bukhari and Muslim)*

*Again, the Prophet s.a.w never mentioned or stated that, love or show love to someone before marriage*


Another HADITHS

*"When one of you seeks a woman in marriage, and then if he is able to have a look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do so". (Abu Dawood)*

The Prophet s.a.w being conscious of not promoting an evil thing....  Never mentioned that, show love,..... But he said, let look at her


From an article of Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini, ‘Marriage and Family in Islam', https://www.soundvision.com/article/selecting-a-marriage-partner

He stated; *"Falling in love is not a pre-condition for marriage in Islam.*

However, for the purpose of selecting an appropriate mat, the would-be-spouses are allowed to see and/or talk to each other.

Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, recommended:

"When one of you seeks a woman in marriage, and then if he is able to have a look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do so". (Abu Dawood)

The would-be-spouse are allowed to see each other for matrimonial purposes under the direct supervision of their mahram relatives. This provision is expected to be conceived and executed with piety and modesty.

Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, instructed:

"No man has the right to be in the privacy with a woman who is not lawful for him. Satan is their third party unless there is a mahram". (Ahmad)

The would-be-spouses residing in non-Muslim societies are recommended to enter into a pre-nuptial commitment to safeguard Islamic values and Muslim personal law.


*Get time to read this for further knowledge.....*


Selecting a Marriage partner

By Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini

Marriage is recommended for partners who share a common way of life. The matrimonial partners should be able to fulfill their purpose of creation as defined by Allah. They should be able to effectively carry out their responsibility as care-takers (khalifah) of earth. They should share the common goal of building a well integrated Muslim community and be able to work harmoniously towards it.

Criteria for Selecting a Marriage Partner
Normally the criteria for selecting matrimonial mates are many: wealth, beauty, rank, character, congeniality, compatibility, religion, etc. The Quran enjoins Muslims to select partners who are good and pure (tayyib)

"Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity "(Quran 24:26)

Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, recommended Muslims to select those partners who are best in religion (din) and character.

"A woman may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Bukhari and Muslim)

Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, assured the bounty of Allah to those who wish to get married and live a pure and clean life.

"Three groups of people Allah obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life" (Tirmidhi).

Freedom to Choose a Marriage Partner
Islam has given freedom of choice to those who wish to get married. The mutual choice of the would-be-spouses is given the highest consideration:

"do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner" (Quran 2:232)

The process of mate selection should be a function of a healthy balance between the freedom of choice of the would-be-spouses and consideration of the influence and consent of the parents/guardians.

The freedom of choice of those who wish to get married should not preclude the influence and consent of the parents/guardians nor should the parents/guardians ignore the wishes and consent of the would be spouses.

Falling in love is not a pre-condition for marriage in Islam. However, for the purpose of selecting an appropriate mat, the would-be-spouses are allowed to see and/or talk to each other.

Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, recommended:

"When one of you seeks a woman in marriage, and then if he is able to have a look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do so". (Abu Dawood)

The would-be-spouse are allowed to see each other for matrimonial purposes under the direct supervision of their mahram relatives. This provision is expected to be conceived and executed with piety and modesty.

Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, instructed:

"No man has the right to be in the privacy with a woman who is not lawful for him. Satan is their third party unless there is a mahram". (Ahmad)

The would-be-spouses residing in non-Muslim societies are recommended to enter into a pre-nuptial commitment to safeguard Islamic values and Muslim personal law.


Those ready to learn or understand are doing that..... 

May Allah guide us all and forgive us our sins

May Allah increase us in beneficial knowledge


KIND COURTESY

FORUM AGAINST EXPENSIVE MARRIAGE

CONTACT US FOR PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING

+233244653664


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